Well I've decided I “don’t want to be pussy” anymore as the Americans put it.
I say what I feel, go for what I want and live like there is
no tomorrow even though my life hardly resembles this trait or way of life. I’m a leader I know that, I’ve always known that,
whether I’m leading myself or other people, but I feel like
I’ve always held back.
Today this girl made room for me on the bus today on my way
to second avenue to see Chester missing¸I was so taken back by her kindness
that I could not say a word at her….afraid that I might love her to bits and (she was pretty), perhaps
and get rejected, I don’ t know maybe but I was silent as dove….that’s how shocked I was at her generosity…..I’d
like to think of myself as a generous person too, but its humbling being of the
other side of grace.
It takes you back, I mean it was not the mere act I suppose
that was shocking but maybe my stereotyping about girls at school, Pre-dominantly
African especially, very un-lady like behaviour always shoving, they are very
tough I suppose in a good way(Defensive mechanism) but the is no grace about it, the world around
them has allowed them to be supper protective of their hearts and minds…some
have come from far and introduced to this completely different world from which
they are not used to…. So adapting is hard.
Adapting though is what we do as human beings and we very
good at it, how can we not survive these circumstances? It’s what we do, survive, find a way.
I learnt something else today too. Race is a thing we have been lead to believe, the Stigma that come with your skin colour, yes we acknowledge the language and the culture but does it have to be attached to your skin colour? NO!
I learnt something else today too. Race is a thing we have been lead to believe, the Stigma that come with your skin colour, yes we acknowledge the language and the culture but does it have to be attached to your skin colour? NO!
We have been taught these things and we can learn something
better….we can adapt a new culture, a new world, a new standard , that judges
on merit and gives merit where it due and encourage those around us to embrace
the human within all of us…..You’ll be surprise how often and how much in
common we have sometimes.
There is this church I go to sometimes and it happens to be a
pre dominantly an affluent mega church with stacks of members, but whenever I’m
there I can feel my fellow South Africans of European descent…wince every time I walk in that building or maybe
it just my lack of comfort ability around me there is due to their lack of
faith in my skin colour so there that is the same reaction I give in response
not knowing I really do but I know it happens it’s a science “Daniel Goleman on
Emotional Intelligence” Or you could even try Newton second law of
force That applied on object is applied back etc.
What am I saying, well I feel like I have put out and an arm
and a leg for my fellow South Africans of European descent but they won’t even
put out a God damned finger… and it pisses me off, I know someone can relate to
this. So the ball is in your court.
I want to go back to the bus incident….I’m no pussy but I thought
sometimes to be a nice person you have to be a door mat, here is what I’ve
would have said If I was half the man I actually thought I was, I would look at
you in the eye and say “Thank you” for the was no reason for you to make room
in a four sitter back sit to scoot to make it five. “Thank you” for people like
you who keep giving me hope even when all the chips are down because it is people like you in world we keep inching forward … grace givers, so you can heal
us all of our cancers of hate, racism, fascism, classification, gender discrimination.
You’ll probably never know what you did and I was probably never meant to say
jack because talking can make things sour sometimes but I’ve learnt not saying
anything can be worse, it’s a heavy burden to carry at times.
