Don't be a pussy!

Well I've decided I “don’t want to be pussy” anymore as the Americans put it.

I say what I feel, go for what I want and live like there is no tomorrow even though my life hardly resembles this trait or way of life. I’m  a leader I know that, I’ve always known that, whether I’m leading myself or other people, but I feel like I’ve always  held back.

Today this girl made room for me on the bus today on my way to second avenue to see Chester missing¸I was so taken back by her kindness that I could not say a word at her….afraid that I might love her to bits and (she was pretty), perhaps and get rejected, I don’ t know maybe but I was silent as dove….that’s  how shocked I was at her generosity…..I’d like to think of myself as a generous person too, but its humbling being of the other side of grace.

It takes you back, I mean it was not the mere act I suppose that was shocking but maybe my stereotyping about girls at school, Pre-dominantly African especially, very un-lady like behaviour always shoving, they are very tough I suppose in a good way(Defensive mechanism) but the is no grace about it, the world around them has allowed them to be supper protective of their hearts and minds…some have come from far and introduced to this completely different world from which they are not used to…. So adapting is hard.

Adapting though is what we do as human beings and we very good at it, how can we not survive these circumstances? It’s what we do, survive, find a way.

I learnt something else today too. Race is a thing we have been lead to believe, the Stigma that come with your skin colour, yes we acknowledge the language and the culture but does it have to be attached to your skin colour? NO!

We have been taught these things and we can learn something better….we can adapt a new culture, a new world, a new standard , that judges on merit and gives merit where it due and encourage those around us to embrace the human within all of us…..You’ll be surprise how often and how much in common we have sometimes.

There is this church I go to sometimes and it happens to be a pre dominantly an affluent mega church with stacks of members, but whenever I’m there I can feel my fellow South Africans of European descent…wince  every time I walk in that building or maybe it just my lack of comfort ability around me there is due to their lack of faith in my skin colour so there that is the same reaction I give in response not knowing I really do but I know it happens it’s a science “Daniel Goleman on Emotional Intelligence”  Or you could even try Newton second law of force That applied on object is applied back etc.

What am I saying, well I feel like I have put out and an arm and a leg for my fellow South Africans of European descent but they won’t even put out a God damned finger… and it pisses me off, I know someone can relate to this. So the ball is in your court.

I want to go back to the bus incident….I’m no pussy but I thought sometimes to be a nice person you have to be a door mat, here is what I’ve would have said If I was half the man I actually thought I was, I would look at you in the eye and say “Thank you” for the was no reason for you to make room in a four sitter back sit to scoot to make it five. “Thank you” for people like you who keep giving me hope even when all the chips are down because it is people like you in world we keep inching forward … grace givers, so you can heal us all of our cancers of hate, racism, fascism, classification, gender discrimination. You’ll probably never know what you did and I was probably never meant to say jack because talking can make things sour sometimes but I’ve learnt not saying anything can be worse, it’s a heavy burden to carry at times.

Why am I poor?

I know what you thinking…I’m still asking the wrong questions. I’ve been doing the “it’s not about me” application for some time now…and it has not left me feeling a hundred percent. Then again I’ll will fall away and this world will seize to remember that I ever existed, so this hard to comprehend and moving on with self is easy…but it’s not.

I know one thing is true though, the more we let go to the things we really want the more, they come back to us, but I can’t help seem to wonder on the goals we set, the things we desire, the things we need...

You can’t right more than two lines without referring to self, if its not about me, whose it about…?

I forget how beautiful it was

I forget how beautiful it was
when you all come together

Keep it together
my brothers
Keep them together
my good sisters

I forget how beautiful it was
when you all come together

Keep it up my brother, yes you without a father
fight harder
Keep it together my sister, hold them even closer
the good Lord will keep ye

I forget how beautiful it was
when it all came together

Keep the Faith
Keep the Hope

Keep the Love

Keep nothing else

Addicted to NO

I like No sometimes, in fact I think I can’t l live without it because it makes Yes even more desirable, I have been forever chasing Yes, but No, has always been by my side.

When I eventually catch up to Yes, I am so darn tied, and sick of chasing that I find that I don’t even know what I am going to do with Yes. Things are much easier with No, and its easy to get comfortable here but I know what to do with it, change it into a Yes, a big fat one.

Once I get my Yes, it’s then on to the next one. Sometimes you’ll need to say Yes to someone, for the rest of your life, day in day out but before you can do that, you need to practice saying Yes to yourself quite  number times, to make the process a lot easier. It’s a choice, like all joys of life. 

Sometimes when you get your Yes, then you have to move on to less greener pastures, I don‘t know about you, but sometimes it feels like, we not on this earth to party away, without getting any work done.

As the long the is NO, the will be a YES, right? 

The Money Issue

Is a tough one at this moment in my life, just thinking about it, but earlier this I decided I wanted to learn a bit more about money and see the real value in knowing how to manage it, so that it benefits you and those around, you, I have to say, I haven’t gotten anywhere much on actually building some sort of income, but I have learnt this:

• ·         It normal to be thinking about money, since it’s such a normal and play an important role in this world so we shouldn't feel bad into thinking about it and trying to make ways of a sustainable living.
• ·         Don’t worry about money but it is important to know how it works, for it affects what you do. And eventually it will come either way.
• ·         Focus on what you love, your passion and learning and making better decision about your life, and your money, because money will come and go.

Remember this: the person you are becoming is more important that the how much wealth monetarily acquire if you’re a just an empty vessel.

Yeah for some of use this may seem irrelevant but this is true for most If not all of us. Where you try and think where is the next buck going to come from, sometimes it’s a trill on the quest to figuring that out, until you have to follow through, not once, not twice but as long as it will take.

My Grand Mama says, “Work Hard”, and all will usually fall to place, unfortunately, she left out the part, of how intricate, how complicated this process is(life). I guess that’s up to you, and of course it’s unto you to teach your neighbour as much as you can about financial management, if your neighbour won’t do it, go ask someone who will.

Indigenous

Yesterday know we live in such diverse country, the other day I was at the robots promoting camp and with some people I don't know to address in English or in an indigenous language, but I'll love this place, these people, it only takes very little from us, in all our differences to realise we are one but not the same.

South Africa you never realise what you have unless you choose to, until it’s gone.

You remind of a spoiled child or a very abused child which can’t fit in or trying too hard to fit in and hiding its pain, I see it in your eyes, yours destiny is will be in history, you choose to write it, but know whatever you choose, it will be written down in history.

You remind of and adult version of yourself, simply said, others who have been in yours situation, who have complain and complain but where never willing to change anything about themselves or take part  in any activity that does not benefit them further than the ballot paper, but we all know the real task is ahead of us. You have a sad history, I can’t deny but this doesn’t have to determine your future, but in order for us to get here, one thing we have to do, I try and let go of what could have been since it’s behind us and let’s focus on the present, and what we savaged from the fire.

Raise the bar

We need to raise the bar, we need that audacious faith. We are in the valley we can’t give up now; we will rise again to this divine task, this calling. We are here for a reason, on this particular path, at this particular time.

Let the case be not that we’re sitting here waiting here for the Messiah to come, he has come, he will come and he is among us, in us, within us.

If I hear one more, whine, one more, racial slur I’ll go crazy, I’ll go nuts.

Your fear has driven you to the edge of a very dark path, you have your head so far up your rectum you don’t see the racism, your hatred for another, just so you feel threatened because you are minority, so you put a spell, and a web of lies, you under deliver just so you can keep you position and vice over me, well not anymore, I will suffer your self-atoning acts of pure selfishness no more.

I am not the animal here, you are forcing my hand, and I will strike upon thee with great vengeance!